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June 18, 2009

这儿看到的,谷歌同学给大家送手抄本,我也就是私下传播一下,怎么一传十,十传百,传到老师耳朵里面去了?这下不好了,成了飘柔了。不会是真的吧?

这也太没劲了,以前我在donews上面那个博里面,说google翻译会把“China blog”翻译成“中国性爱日志”,后来就听说国内有人靠这个打假;打google翻译也就算了,反正我也不用,打了谷歌,我以后去哪里找小黄书呢?

不行,以后有了找手抄本的新办法,不跟你们说了,打小报告,不仗义。

June 9, 2009

缘起:

作为一个无聊的中年人,我偶尔也会偷偷的上网找点不健康的东西来看看。其实我也挺不好意思的,但是就是管不住自己。所以,当新闻里说,国内开始大力推广 绿坝.花季护航 这款软件,并且要求所有在国内销售的计算机都必须安装的时候,我觉得自己有救了。

我去下载了一个3.16版本,解压以后,却找不到安装文件了。我惊叹:国内的软件日新月异啊,连安装程序都隐身了。不过我还是比较狡猾的,找到了一个叫“绿色上网软件LH-setup3.16.exe”的文件,看来这个就是安装程序了。

我在我的老红帽linux上面运行这个程序,红帽说:你当我傻帽啊?我又把这个文件发到我的手机上,结果手机给退回来了,还发了个短信给我:Pls do not send files larger than the physical memory of this device。最后,我终于找到一台windows的机器,可以运行了。嗯,以后上网,就用windows了。

安装:

我怀着崇敬的心情,开始阅读《最终用户许可协议》。要说国内的软件这些年是进步了很多,连文档都跟英文接轨了。比如这个协议吧,上来就是一句:“重要!”。我当年要是这么写,早被语文老师打出去了。

协议写的也是很清楚的,比如第一条:

本产品可以过滤互联网上的不良信息,但不保证能不良信息能完全被过滤,也不保证被过滤的信息完全是不良信息。

这句话的意思是:当我倒洗澡水的时候,没准也会把孩子倒出去,没准盆子里还会有脏水,或者孩子的一条腿。

再比如这三条:

6.使用本软件产品由您自己承担风险。在适用法律所许可的最大范围内,不承认任何明示或暗示的担保或条件,包括(但不限于)对可销售性、某一特殊用途的适用性及不侵权的默示担保。

7.在适用法律所允许的最大范围内,即使事先被告知以下情况发生的可能性,在任何情况下不就因使用或不能使用本软件产品所发生的任何特殊的、意外的,非直接的或间接的损失(包括但不限于营业利益的损失、营业中断,商业信息的损失或其它精神上的损失)承担赔偿责任。

8.按本《协议》不对因使用本软件所产生的任何经济、法律纠纷承担任何连带或赔偿责任。

我看到这里,心里有点发毛,这要是安装了以后机器不能用了,怎么给老婆孩子交代啊?人家说了,不承担责任。不过,据说这个是国家推广的软件。我一咬牙,装了!

重启:

装完以后软件要求系统重启,然后我就有点不好的预感。这种预感随着重启过程开始逐渐的蔓延。要说我这台机器虽然旧点,可好歹也有双核2.33G,4G的内存,重启一把也就是两分钟的事情,可是这次貌似很慢。

好不容易看到了登录对话框,我输入了密码,然后就进入了漫长的登录过程,整个过程,从我按enter到看到任务条,长达5分36秒。我同时发现,我的默认桌面风格,被改回了windows那个难看的缺省风格。

灾难:

然后我就看到了一个对话框,上面写着:软件启动失败,请重新安装。

重新安装?!那我要先卸载才行啊。这个时候我才明白,那种不安来自哪里:安装的时候,这个软件从来没有问我应该安装在哪个目录里!

我连忙去找windows explorer的图标,但是这个时候,我的桌面还没有完全显示出来。鼠标到处,都是那个沙漏的样子。好在我在DOS年代的记忆还没有完全磨灭,几个键之后,我已经面对着熟悉的黑色DOS窗口了。

C:\Program Files下面,没有

C:\ 下面,没有

D:\ 下面,没有

控制面板里面的卸载软件,也没有

我去开了windows的事件查看器,居然出错!

我干了什么?我是不是给自己的机器上面装了病毒?Google,百度,救救我!怎么把这个东西删掉?

我启动了firefox,firefox报告,不能访问百度;我启动了chrome,Chrome说:找不到google;我咬了咬牙,启动了IE,IE还没启动完,我已经知道结果了:只有127.0.0.1可以ping,其他的IP都不行。

我呆坐着,忽然笑了:我明白了,这就是这个软件的用处 - 它断开了网络,于是我就不能上网,不能上网,就无所谓不良内容了。我真傻,真的,我以为这是一个脏水和孩子的问题,这个软件连澡盆都扔到窗外了 - 然后它把自己隐藏了起来。

笑了以后,我又有了精神。这次我去开始菜单,找到了这个软件的目录,里面有两个图标:一个是启动软件,一个是帮助文件。启动软件自然是不行的,帮助文件就更搞笑了:里面虽然列出了卸载软件的方法,但是这个页面似乎很不情愿,我打开别的帮助页面都很快,打开这个页面,足足用了三分钟。这还不是最好玩的,这个页面显示:如果需要卸载软件,必须先运行这个软件。

多么精妙的设计:先是断开了网络,然后软件自毁,连卸载都必须先运行。我开始怀疑这个设计师是柯南的粉丝,我可以清晰的闻到密室疑案的味道。

解决:

不过设计的再精巧的系统,总还是有它的漏洞。那个启动程序的图标,就是这个漏洞。右键选属性,把我带到了

C:\windows\system32\下面一个叫gn.exe的程序这里。

删掉这个程序,确认注册表里没有什么乱七八糟的启动运行的东西之后,重启系统,这次我没有不祥的预感,因为重启的速度很快。

登录之后,一切如常,我知道系统里又多了几个垃圾文件,但是至少又可以用了。桌面上面还有个没用的图标,shift+delete,机器提示:

我毫不犹豫的选了Yes.

January 31, 2009

过年了,蛋白质摄入比较多,所以上网的时候,也比较容易动心思去找一些荤东西。具体哪个关键词我就不说了,省的各位在座的专家笑我小儿科。

我拿着这个关键词去找Google,Google老师语重心长的教育我说:这个词我找不到,因为它太evil了啊太evil,我don’t be evil,这是洋文,你不懂的。然后很鄙视的看了我一眼,接着说:我这里有俩高清电视你要买吗?

我郁闷的去找百度,百度同学平时口袋里的手抄本从来没有断过货。可是这次,百度同学说,你不知道这两天严打啊?再说我们老大刚把CCAV摆平,都上了春晚了,我们两家现在是战略合作伙伴关系。怎么能赶这个时候抢人家生意呢?等风声过了再来!

我走投无路的时候,忽然想起来,还有一个谷歌呢。据说人家的算法跟Google一样,我抱着试试看的心态,在地址栏里输入了“鸡叨糠”,火狐一愣说:没听说过!我赶紧说:对不起对不起,我想说的是“鸡叨吸嗯”,火狐说:这还差不多。

我刚把那个关键词打进去,谷歌同学就带着一大堆手抄本小黄书跑过来了,一边擦汗一边说:你看我这里东西多吧?以后有生意记得我啊?然后很神秘的凑在我耳边说:

因为咱们这旮法律的问题,我还有好多货,没拿给你看哪!